Accounting for Lunatics
by seekerchasing
Summary: So long ago now, he'd never have thought he could be left feeling so inadequate and yet so intrigued by a conversation essentially about dinosaur teeth.


**AN**: I had to do this now because I really wanted to write a Terra Nova fic and I'm worried I'll lose my motivation after the season finale. At least I'll have this for therapy if **sob**Markdies**sob**orwash**sob, it's so unfair it's a lose lose situation **Please enjoy and tell me if I messed up the characters too badly…

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><p>"So, when did you stop wanting to be a lunar accountant and start wanting to be a soldier?" Maddy Shannon asked her boyfriend. She was pretending to not worry about the fact that he had told her he was going OTG the next day and wasn't sure when he'd be coming back.<p>

He smiled at her now, and she wondered again what exactly he saw in her. "Is that really what you want to talk about right now?"

And now she was wondering how he saw through her so completely, and what that meant.

"Yes, it is. It's a very important aspect of your personality. What you decided to do with your life, when you decided to do it, why. I just wanted to know, Mark, why exactly you chose to risk your life every day, why you thought it was a good idea to have a career so unpredictable, so dangerous and likely to-"

"Maddy." he said, cutting her off. Much as her rambles usually amused him, this one was leaning more towards being a rant and so it was probably better to stop her before she got too into it. "I know it's dangerous. But it's my job, and it's what I love to do. Protecting the colony. Protecting you. That's what makes it important to me."

"I know," she sighed. "You're amazing like that. I'm just so scared. You're not the one who had to wait behind. You don't know what that feels like."

"Maybe not. And I have to admit I'm glad about that. I don't ever want you in any sort of danger without me being there."

"So you admit, this will be dangerous." She wouldn't get through this, she knew she couldn't, no matter how much homework or reading material she had on her plex, no matter what assignments she got for her internship, nothing would be able to distract her from thoughts of Mark and all the different ways he could be hurt.

"Maddy," he began again, this time not meaning to cut her off, but because there was something he needed to say. However, he trailed off uncertainly.

So long ago now, he'd never have thought he could be left feeling so inadequate and yet so intrigued by a conversation essentially about dinosaur teeth. And at first that had been the effect that Maddy would always have on him. Then, when they started to really know each other, it was less inadequacy and more intrigued before the inadequacy disappeared altogether and the only thing he wanted was to be with her. Well, he also wanted to be with her far, far away from her father but that was a second priority and one he could live without so long as she was here.

It hadn't taken long for him to realise that he loved her, wanted to marry her one day. He could wait, really, he could wait forever. Hopefully it wouldn't be that long. But he couldn't wait to tell her how he felt about her. He hadn't been lying when he'd talked to Jim… Mr Shannon. Mark had realised the twists and turns life could take and he had to take time for what was important. He had to tell Maddy he loved her.

"What? There's nothing you could say to make me feel better. The odds are not good Mark. I don't want anything to happen to you. It'd kill me." she whispered. She could feel the tears welling up. It was the truth. Maybe not actually psychically kill her, as it was impossible to die, as they used to say, from a broken heart. But a heart could still hurt; hurt more than any other pain, and make a life emptier and sadder and not worth living. And she knew, without Mark, that would be her life. Sure she'd have her family, who she loved so much, but it wasn't the same anymore.

He tried again. He had to say this before he left. "Maddy Shannon. From the first moment I saw you I had to know more. Starting with your name, which I completely failed to get the first few tries. I wanted to know everything about you, as soon as I laid eyes on you. And when you allowed me the honour of courting you, it was the best day of my life. You're compassionate and beautiful and brilliant, and there's no one in the world, here or 2149 or anywhere, who is anywhere near as special as you. I know you may not feel the same way yet. And I know that my job is dangerous, and anything could happen, which is why I have to tell you now. The truth is, I love you Maddy. And I know I always will."

By now the tears were definitely welling. She was stunned, and speechless. How could he feel this way about her? And yet, she felt like she had already known.

Her silence was worrying him, "Maddy, look, I know you're young and I might have scared you. I'm sorry for that but I wanted you to know how I feel. It's okay if you don't feel like that yet, because I'll wait, I'll-"

"No," she said, a brilliant smile contrasting with her tears, "I love you. I love you too. You just, you make me so happy, Mark. And you're amazing. It's been so easy to be myself around you, and to fall in love with you. I love you."

He kissed her then. It was everything he could do before to not kiss her, but he knew how she loved her speeches, and the words she was saying had had an incredible effect on him, and he had wanted to hear the rest of them.

Mark was kissing her. And somehow that was ridding her of all her fears. In fact, it was ridding her of all coherent thoughts. And that was enough for now.

"I'm sorry I'm leaving you, love. But I promise that I'll be back."

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><p>Maddy Shannon was terrified. And she was pacing. And she had almost broken her plex, throwing it at the wall.<p>

Lieutenant Washington had finally radioed in three days ago, informing the colony that they would return in two days. Two days. She'd been so relieved to hear it. And that Wash was there. She knew no one could protect Mark better than Alicia Washington.

But then she'd been so scared when two had become three, and brought with it complete and utter radio silence.

She just had to remember, remember, remember.

_The truth is, I love you Maddy_

Maybe she could imprint the words somewhere, so she would never forget that he'd promised her. Promised. And it meant something because she knew Mark would never break a promise, to anyone, but especially not to her. And one day was nothing, it was hardly anything.

This was what she told herself as that one more day ticked over to two, then three and then four. It's just one extra day. It's nothing. He'll be fine. He promised and he'd never break that. He loves me, and I love him, and we'd never leave each other behind.

But he'd been due back four days ago. Ninety-six hours. Five thousand, seven hundred and sixty minutes. Three hundred and forty five thousand, six hundred seconds. Even maths had betrayed her, always ticking on (or counting down. How many breaths did he have left? Or had he already ran out?).

Zoe, the youngest member of the family was giving her sad looks and puppy dog eyes. She didn't understand exactly what was going on, but her beloved extra big brother, the one who was best at playing dinosaurs (and annoying Daddy, and pretending to mistake her for Commander Taylor, both of which were sure to send her into a fit of giggles) was gone. And she also knew that Maddy was hurting, and so every night she curled up in Maddy's bed, hugged her as tightly as she could manage and told her not to cry. Sometimes it even worked.

Josh didn't know what to say. He was never good at talking to Maddy when she was upset so he did what he had always done back in 2149 when the bullies at school had gotten to be too much for Maddy. He brought her flowers every day, real flowers, not the paper ones he'd made back in 2149, because now they were in Terra Nova (Paradise, she thought bitterly every time he knocked on her door with a handful of sunflowers and an attempt at a smile) and he could bring her beautiful flowers that were alive. It had always brightened up her day before, and he hoped desperately it would make his little sister smile again.

And it helped Maddy, really it did, but it just wasn't the same anymore, and this hurt was deeper and more painful than some stupid kids taunting her. This mattered, this felt like something she could never (not ever not ever not ever) recover from.

Her mother couldn't fix the holes either. She stroked her hair, and told her she loved her _but it wasn't her mother's love she was craving right now._

So each day, her family could only exchange sad and worried looks behind her back. Except for her father, surprisingly. He said he didn't believe for a second Mark wouldn't be home soon.

"There's no way anything has happened to that kid," he said, with an arm around her shoulder. "The way he talks about you, the way he looks at you, he's too damn persistent to leave you. He wouldn't let some little thing like a slasher, or a sixer or anything keep him from you. He'll be back, maybe sporting some cuts and bruises but otherwise completely fine. That might have to change when I have a talk with him about worrying you so much."

This had made her smile for a while; except for the part where her father had listed all the things that could have happened to him. She thought he might have left that out, not that it would have done much good, as those were the thoughts circling her head over and over already.

She simply stared at the wall, and remembered.

"_I'm sorry I'm leaving you, love. But I promise that I'll be back."_

"Have faith," she told herself out loud, as if that would make it more real (or maybe just possible).

And two more days passed with nothing.

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><p>It had almost been a week. Maddy wasn't in the army or the police forces like her father but she knew that was bad. The whole colony seemed to be in a state of semi-mourning, and she received pitying glances wherever she went.<p>

Skye came around the corner and gave her a hug, "I'm so sorry. If I'd stayed with the Sixer's a little longer, maybe I'd have heard something."

Maddy really didn't want to hear it right now. She couldn't blame Skye, good-hearted Skye who was in love with her brother, and who Maddy herself liked. But it was hard(impossible) to look at her knowing that she had spied on them, reported to Mira, risked all their lives and could quite possibly be the reason for the end of Terra Nova and was now rewarded with her mother recovering and with her. While Mark had done nothing even the slightest bit wrong and even now appeared to have given his life for the colony, leaving Maddy Shannon without him.

She was about to say all this when she heard Mark's voice in her head-

_You're compassionate and beautiful and brilliant_

She couldn't let him down. Not now.

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><p>It had been thirteen days since he'd been gone, nine since he' been due back and the rescue teams came back two days ago, empty handed, and now there was talk of funerals and medals and Memorial Field and <em>shhh, not around Maddy, she's not ready to handle it yet.<em>

"Please Dad, don't lie to me. You know I'm strong. Do you still think he's coming back?"

And her father had refused to look her in the eye. He had turned to her mother and her mother had said "Darling, there's always hope, I promise you, there's always hope."

But promises couldn't possibly hope to mean anything anymore and her father wouldn't look at her.

That's when she started to break down and cry.

The next day Maddy was woken up by a jarring hit to her stomach. She woke up to see Zoe sitting on her stomach, grinning, and her mother next to her, crying but smiling at her.

"Your father's called from the front gate. They're back."

"And Mark is there." Zoe cried, 'He's back, and I talked to him on the radio, and he promised to play dinosaurs with me, and never break your heart again. I made him promise that 'specially."

_Never break your heart again._

She thought she must be dreaming still.

"It's not a dream, loser." Josh said from the doorway, and she thought she saw a tear in his eye, too, and he was reading her mind again like he had when they were kids, and was it really true?

"Go on, love. He's waiting for you." her mother was smiling at her, and Maddy could see the love and relief in her eyes. "Tell him he's to come to dinner tonight; we want to see him too."

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><p>She saw him the moment he saw her and they both ran a little faster. The second they met he pulled her into a kiss and if Maddy hadn't been so busy loving him she might have laughed at the similarity to those old romantic movies she used to watch.<p>

"You're here. You're really here." she cried.

Mark just held on tight. He had been so sure he would never see her again.

"We were captured by Sixers," he said. "Or I thought they were sixers, but there was someone else in charge, someone I didn't recognise. But Wash did."

She kissed him again. And again. And then she just held on. She thought she might never let go. "I thought you were dead. I thought-"

"I know," he said, stroking her hair, the way her mother had but this was so different, so much more comforting and she was about to burst she was so happy. "I thought so too. It was Lucas Taylor. The Commander's son. Once Wash pointed it out, I recognised him. But before that… he's mad. He is insane."

"Why are you telling me this? Isn't it classified?" Maddy asked, surprised.

"Probably. But I want you to know."

"I love you," she breathed. She'd thought she'd never say it again.

"Because I gave you information you didn't know?" he teased. "How very you, Miss I-haven't-studied-in-24-hours."

"I haven't studied in two weeks," she said, sharply.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. It's not your fault, I can't blame you."

Mark took a deep breath. He'd been scared of dying but most of all scared of never seeing her again. It had only proven what he had thought about life right. And no matter what he'd said to her father, he knew it would be wrong to wait.

"I told your father I would wait, but… Maddy, you're everything to me. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"What?" her eyes were so wide, he almost laughed.

"Marry me because I love you and I don't ever want to lose you. We'll have to wait a few years, but having you as my fiancé would be worth it."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"I want to marry you." Maddy said, before kissing him again. "So what, we'll have a long engagement. You're right, we're worth it. And more than anything, I want to be your wife."

"Unless your father kills me. That could ruin the wedding plans"

"What Daddy doesn't know won't ever be able to hurt him." she grinned. "We can wait a while to tell him."

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><p><strong>Strangely I was more comfortable writing the angst rather than the romance. It was just easier to be depressing in my current mood I guess, but I wanted a happy ending so…<strong>


End file.
